Are You Smarter Than a Paramecium?

I watched TV last night. As you may or may not know, depending on how closely you have read this blog, I do not have TV at home and barely even relish the opportunity to watch it at this point. The exception is when I am at my parents’ house, and can watch Tivo’d stuff on their gigantic, ostentatious, and thoroughly awesome TV. If you are going to watch TV, a giant TV with Tivo is really the only way to roll. You watch only stuff you actively want to watch, don’t have to watch the commercials, and can see every single strand of stubble on Hugh Laurie’s face (I watched House. I love Hugh Laurie. I was a diehard Jeeves and Wooster and Blackadder fan and am really enjoying this new stage of Hugh’s career, where he has suddenly and surprisingly become extremely sexy. He reminds me of my Narn Airn husband, with a lot of grey stubble and very blue eyes.) There is one catch though – you don’t have to WATCH the commercials, but you do have to fast forward through them, and occasionally stop during one of them and catch a little in order to not miss any of Hugh Laurie’s stubble. So last night I’m watching House, making my way merrily through the commercials, and happened to catch a few seconds of a promo for a show called Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?, in which the inbred cretins known as “Average Joes” compete in a trivia tournament against 10 year olds (or 9 year olds with summer birthdays, I guess). Ok, first of all, if you have to ask if you are smarter than a fifth grader, the answer is most likely “NO.” Second, I know that we live in a country that considers stupidity a virtue. I know that a lot of the appeal of W is because he seems like “regular folks” (see above my opinion of “regular folks”). And I know that people are generally not driven to feelings of suicidal despair by such new items as the fact that the number of people who are able to identify the Three Stooges is far greater than the number that are able to identify the three branches of the federal government (I am quite sure W is one of these people). I know all of these things, yet it still shocks me and gets me down. The fact that some fat prick from Peoria is literally pumping his fist in the air and cheering for himself because he answered a question correctly before a FUCKING FIFTH GRADER makes me seriously fear for the future of all of humankind. David Bowie said it best – homo sapiens have outgrown their use. Boy, that Bowie is even smarter than a seventh grader!!!!

PS The show is hosted by Jeff Foxworthy. Nuff said!