Yet More Extremely Exciting Concert News

This is a good one. Van Halen, man!!!!! I mean, shit, Van Halen!!! The first time I ever bought an album with my own money, it was 1984. Not the year, the album. And the year too, I guess. I have been wanting to see Van Halen in theory ever since (I was 9 at the time), but it was never even really a fantasy because it seemed like such an impossibility. First of all, they broke up - that kind of puts a nail in the cofin. Then they got a new singer. Then they gotr another new singer. Occasionally, they tried to get their shit together and regroup, but Diamond Daveand Eddie just couldn't help themselves from morphing into Brian Wilson and Mike Love whenever they entered the same room. So I just figured it would never happen. Fast forward to 2007, when I hear that not only are they back together and touring, but they are all sober, in shape, getting alonmg, and rocking the fuck out. Oh, except for poor Michael Anthony, who is still trying to remove his Jack Daniels bottle bass guitar from his rectum, where it was placed by the rest of the band when they fired him so they could hire Eddie's teenage son. Nice to see they're still dicks!!! Okay, so moving on, the next fly in the ointment was the nonexistence of Atlanta or anywhere even close on the itinerary. Well, I guess they finished that rather brief itinerary and decided that they were so awesome that they would keep going. So now, on February 13, I will be in a primo seat at Phillips Arena watching VH with three of my closest friends and Russ Sr.

Let me just say that it is with great reluctance that I post the above picture. I really wanted a still of Diamond Dave being arrested in a towel and cowboy boots from the "Panama" video. That really happened! He's my main Jew. He does our people proud. And we need all the help we can get these days, when it seems like every prominent Jew I read about who isn't polluting the earth with subpar "entertianment" (eg Spielkatzengeffen) is another slimey mono-issue Israel-brainwashed neocon Iraq War architect coming out of the woodwork to justify himself. For shame!!!

However, it is with great enthusiasm that I post this, the video for "Hot for Teacher" - quite possibly one of the greatest vidoes ever made and my hands-down favorite VH song. It is a wonderful example of the Nerd Bullied by Rockin' Cool Kids subgenre of 80s videos (see: "Fight For Your Right to Party") (fyi, the genre is the Nerd genre - another key subgenre is the Nerd Transformed - see "She's Got Legs" or "Goody Two Shoes" or "Blinded Me with Science" - and note that the nerd being transformed is usually a lady who takes off her glasses and lets down her hair and becomes sexy). The best part of the video is the kid versions of each member. No., the best part is the little choreographed chorus line routine the band does - and which my friends and I are already practicing for the show. Thanks god I am second tallest so I get to be Alex Van Halen. Eddie is cool but being shorter means running a risk of being cast as Michael Anthony and we all know where that gets you. Alex Van Halen is a serious badass and an underrated drummer. Ever notice how he looks like....? Oh, is it time for a separated at birth???!